The Director's Cut

“I think we need to watch it again,” Ellie said. The credits were rolling now and Sean was fast asleep. He only made it through 11 minutes and 27 seconds of the movie.

“Right,” I said. “Not tonight, though. I’m sure it’ll make more sense after you let your mind play with it for a little bit.” I picked up the empty popcorn bowl on the coffee table next to the couch where Sean was sleeping and I took it to the kitchen.

“So, he killed himself?” Ellie asked.

“Well, yeah. But no,” I said. “I know it’s weird. I mean, it makes sense, but it’s not totally explainable.”

Sean made a grumbling noise on the couch. He brushed at his face with his hand like there was something stuck to it that he wanted off and rolled over. I went to grab a blanket from the closet.

“I guess I’ll let Sean sleep here tonight,” I said to myself.

“And I thought that the other guy was his friend.” Ellie was not going to give it up. “So why did he sell him out?”

“Was he sold out? Or did he let him sell him out?”

“I don’t know,” Ellie said. She was still sitting on the floor leaning against the love seat. She stared at the black screen while the little white lines rolled up and under the top of the TV. She was motionless, as if the movie left her paralyzed on the floor with confusion.

“So he did kill himself then!” Ellie said it a little too loudly and Sean jumped a bit. But his eyes never opened and he had no idea what was going on. Nor did he care to know.

“Well, yeah. But no,” I said again. I wiped off the counter in the kitchen and threw the empty wine bottle in the trash. The bread had been sitting out during the whole movie so I wrapped it in saran wrap and put it in the bread box to keep it from getting stale.

“Then let’s watch it again,” Ellie said, whispering this time.

“No,” I said. Ellie was persistent. I loved her curiosity most of the time, but not now. I knew she wasn’t going to give it a rest until she understood everything. “You’re not going to get it tonight,” I tell her.

“So you do understand it! Tell me,” she says. I’ve said too much now and I’m in trouble.

“I never said that. Anyway, don’t you have a chemistry test tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I do. But I won’t be able to study ‘cause this is going to drive me crazy unless I find out the truth,” she said.

Sean was wide awake now. But he was unsure why he woke up to us on the brink of an argument that Ellie was eager to start and I was desperately trying to avoid.

“How much of the movie did I miss?” He asked.

“All of it,” I told him.

“Will you just tell me?” Ellie asked, coming into the kitchen looking frustrated and tired.

“I can’t tell you now,” I said. “It’ll ruin the movie for Sean.” And I’m sure I’ve got her. Sean looked up at the sound of his name but then realized the blanket draped over him.

“How did this get here?” he asked. Ellie ignored him.

“Then let’s watch it again,” she said again.

“No.” I tried to say it more firmly this time.

“I don’t understand - ”

“I know you don’t get it,” I said, my voice rising. “But that’s just something you’re going to have to deal with.”

“No, I mean I don’t understand you. Why won’t you tell me?” She stood in front of me and stared at me like she did at the credits on the TV screen but without letting them gloss over her this time. She studied my eyes intently waiting for me to crack.

“What’s the big deal?” she asked.

I broke eye contact with her but didn’t move. She kept looking and I kept avoiding her glances.

“You’re such a liar,” she finally said. “You don’t know anything.”

“I do. I’ve seen the movie more times than you can even imagine,” I said. “It’s my movie.”

“Then why did you let me watch it if you won’t explain it to me? Just tell me!”

“I don’t want to!” I boomed back at her.

Ellie got quiet again and finally stopped looking for me. Or at me. Whatever.

“You are a liar then,” she said, defeated. “You’re a liar by omission.” And she turned around and headed back to the empty love seat. I followed her with my eyes but stayed in the kitchen.

Sean got up from the couch and folded the blanket. If he had been paying attention to our argument he didn’t show it at all. He just acted like everything was normal.

“I’m gonna go home,” he said. He looked at me and I said,

“Yeah.”

“Ok,” I said.

“Can you give me a ride home,” Ellie asked Sean.

“Sure.”